i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
