We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
