Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
