That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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