Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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