One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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