there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Even my vagina gasped.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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