maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
