I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
