Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
