While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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