Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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