Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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