dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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