My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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