Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
