I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
