fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
