Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
