giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I love you.
Bad choice
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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