wat bout pragnant strippers??
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i believe in u and ur pee
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
