i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
