People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
