I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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