So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
