worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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