Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
