The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I will pee on everything he values.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
