I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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