yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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