dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
