Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
