wat bout pragnant strippers??
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
