I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
