Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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