drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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