I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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