I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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