It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
