those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
