Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I touched a dick in church today
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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