I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
