I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
