I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
