I want to have your abortion
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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