12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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