Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
