How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
