Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
