Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
