he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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