so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
