When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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